There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
