I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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