it wasn't lemon gatorade
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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