WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize