it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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