at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My pussy is not your playground.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
