so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
