I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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