There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
