Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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