just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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