is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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