its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
