I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
