He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
