You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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