I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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