she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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