the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are leaves in my underwear?
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