this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
