you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
