The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
