We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize