fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I want to make a zoo with you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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