After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
