U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
