i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
