I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
