i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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