I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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