I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
