i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize