I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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