o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
