I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
