So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im calling her cock vulture from now on
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
