just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize