If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
