You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
