Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
