OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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