Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
