ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
