Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
