i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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