I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
