.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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