Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
