this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
