Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
