i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize