Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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