I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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