she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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