got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
