I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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