Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
