So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize