Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
