Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
