Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize