he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
