I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
