So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
