Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
