We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im six kinds of drunk right now
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize