I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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