I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
