**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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