I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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