My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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