no, he came in my armpit
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize