Welp...herpes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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