How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
