is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So squirting runs in the family.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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