I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
