those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
