I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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