Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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