well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
