"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
