mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
