You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
