oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
