____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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