he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
