Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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