I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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