Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
