My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
