pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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