Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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