My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
only if we run a train.
done.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
