Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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