I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
