He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
