I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
