So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
