Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
