Your tits are I can't wait for
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
