the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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