I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
